Friday, May 29, 2009

Our little Princess

How can you not smile each and every day when you have this to keep you going? Things like this make up for her smart mouth and temper tantrums.........most of the time. Enjoy!

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Hannah's new, new favorite bear

I'm sure those of you have or have ever had a toddler know that they become attached to different things at different times, for random reasons. Well, this past week, Hannah has become attached to this Beanie Baby bear that was given to her at birth by her great aunt Alisa. I also decided this week that I will be ordering one for Eva as well. Anyway, she has been taking this bear everywhere this week, sleeping with it, carrying it around the house, hiding it when she can't be with the bear (???), etc. After nap time today - which was sleepless again - she carried out of her crib and I saw her take it into my room and put it on the bed.

Fast forward a few hours and we have a few people from Homecare Hospice come by to talk about the possibility of Eva coming home and needing nursing care. During this meeting, Hannah became very needy and needed her baby bear. Dan and I both searched all over the house, in every hiding spot and under every piece of furniture. We try to give her the comfort she needs when she gets stressed about all the activities surrounding Eva lately - so we were willing to put our guests on hold and search for this little bear. NO luck! We manage to distract her with other things.

Fast forward again to bedtime. She is in her crib, laying down, all seems well, until she asks for baby bear again. The search continues. It dawned on me that she sometimes puts her little animals in the drawers of my jewelry armoire. I look in there, no; I look in my nightstand drawer, no; on a whim, I look in my bedside trash can, BINGO! There was the elusive Baby Bear. Hannah was very happy to have her companion for bed time afterall. She fell asleep quickly and hopefully her companion will keep her quiet throughout the night.

Her hiding places are getting better and better (for her) OR worse and worse (for us). She always keeps us on our toes. Always!

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Conversations with Hannah

Hannah brings her baby "Rain Rain" into the room with one of her new diapers and says, "She's crying. I a good doctor. I make her better."
me - you are a good Dr.
H - yes.
me - are you going to be a Dr when you get big like mommy and daddy?
H - yes. and I get big and drive car and go to work and eat food *breath* and you will sit in the car seat like I does and be a baby and I drive you to work and get food *breath* and I carry you like this (cradled) and rock you and sing Rock A By Baby.
me - ok. I can't wait.
H - yes. I a good Doctor.
*Her baby never got a new diaper after that, but hannah did get her to stop crying.*

Then, during nap time, she starts calling for me, but I can't understand what she's saying. Usually, it's "I all done" or "I have poopy", etc. I had to stand by her door to make sure what I was hearing before I went in.
She was yelling, "Mommy, I a hippo!"
Confused, I go in and see her piled in the corner of her crib wrapped in a blanket and pretending to sit/swim in the water like a hippo. ????? She then asked me to be a hippo. I refused, as I wanted nap time to continue. She threw a little fit, I raised my voice a little bit, then we continued nap time.

Later in the day, I was trying to find a way to escape and be alone with my shows. Hannah insists on watching "her shows" all the time now if the TV is on. So I said, "why don't you watch a show in the living room and mommy will watch a show in my room". Hannah, "Naahhh, that not a good idea." SO close!

Another day, nap time, she takes several animals with her to bed. I hear her still playing in there 45minutes later and yell through the door to lay down and go to sleep. She says, OK, but first we are being a circus. I said, go to sleep now, babies too. She said, OK, but first I need a drink. I go in her room with drink in hand and she shows me how her babies are being a circus. I tell her, they don't need to be circus right now, it's nap time. She says, "No, Mommy, we are PRETENDING to be a circus". Yes, Hannah, I understand you are pretending, but it's time to pretend to sleep now. She did end up falling asleep that day -finally. I think the babies may need to come out of the bed. They keep her awake with all "their" pretending.

Last night, we were brushing Hannah's teeth and I lifted my shirt to look at the state of my belly button. Hannah looked at me perplexed and asked, "Mommy, why you gettin' SO BIG!?" It was as if she was noticing my big belly for the first time.
I explained Eva was growing in there and making Mommy's belly big. She didn't seem to like it at first, but pointed out where Eva's arm was (pointing to a big vein on my belly) then said that she could see Eva's eyes. Later, during bed time, she was sitting on her rocking chair and pushed out her belly and said, "Mommy, look, I gettin' SO BIG, too!"

Oh, Hannah now calls Dan, Dan! Let me tell you, he LOVES that - NOT!

She has also taken to saying "Naaaaaahhh", when asked to do something. "She will also say, Nah, you can do it."

If told that she must do such and such so that we can - go to play group, go to the play ground, eat dinner, etc - she thinks on it and says "I don't want to - fill in the blank. The threats don't work with her anymore. I just have to give direct orders.

On Mother's Day, we had a very busy day - thanks to Dan for making the day wonderful. We tried to give Hannah a nap, but she never fell asleep. So, by 8pm when we left the Olive Garden to drive home, she refused to get into her car seat. I put on my stern voice and told her to get in her seat "right now young lady. I mean it." She wrinkles up her nose at me and says "I am sick of the attitude!" Wow, there's something else I can no longer say to her.

She also enjoys telling us both "NO!". We are working on that one.

Monday, May 4, 2009

Our Weekend

We had another great weekend!
Dan was home, well - except for Saturday morning. We love when he's home over the weekend. I get a few breaks here and there and Hannah listens to Dan a little better than she does me, so he's a big help when she's being defiant.

Saturday morning, Dan had to work a marathon but was home by nap time and we enjoyed a quiet day followed by going to see the new Wolverine movie! After the movie, we enjoyed ice cream at Dairy Queen. The perfect date! Thank you to Kelly for watching Hannah for us!

Hannah has been giving up nap time - she just sits and plays in her crib for 2 hours, then calls me with "Mommy, I all done napin!" I am NOT ready for her to give up naps, but at least she stays contained and quiet for a while. So, while at Kelly's house, she couldn't help but fall asleep on her couch for at least an hour before we got there to get her. She went back down easily once we made it home. We thought we were set, until about 1 or 2am (not sure the time because I was out of it) when Hannah called us into her room - I sent Dan in - and she told him "we need to go outside, it's such a beautiful day!" WHAT!? It's 2am, go to sleep! We both had to go back in and give her water and hugs and kisses, then she went back to sleep and was up at her usual time of about 9am. Not too bad for her after an exciting night with friends, a late nap, and a 2am wake up call.

Sundays are always my favorite days. Dan rarely works on Sundays, so I can count on nice quiet family days. If we are up on time and feeling well, Hannah and I eat breakfast together and go to Church while Dan sleeps in a little bit. Then we enjoy lunch and nap time together. Evenings are either filled with a family dinner, play time, or Bible Study for me (alone or with Hannah). This Sunday was both of us going to Bible Study so that Dan could "get some work done" - what ever that means.

Bible Study was intersting this time. There were 6 kids there, all 4 and under, so there was a lot of noise and chaos and not much actual "studying". We had a nice night of girl talk instead. We'll pick up on the Study next week.

Now Monday is here and we had a nice restful night, a normal wake up, breakfast, and we had planned on going to see the butterflies at the Conservatory with some new friends from my car seat board. Unfortunately, one of my friends 5 girls (that's right 5 girls!) is sick, so she called to reschedule. Just when I was getting bummed about the change of plans, another friend called to invite me for a mani and pedi today while her husband watches Hannah. OF course I want to!!! You don't have to ask me twice! Thanks Michelle! Now, we are heading out to the grocery store and then over to our friend's place for another great afternoon.

Who could ask for more?

Friday, May 1, 2009

Baby Eva update

I met with Eva's pediatrician today. It was our first meeting and we just discussed the basics, our desired birth plan, and when we would re-evaluate everything. He was very nice, treated me like a regular pregnant momma and spoke of Eva as a child rather than a chromosomal karyotype. I liked him immediately just for those reasons. Further, he seems to have the same outlook that Dan and I do - we have to wait and see what Eva is capable of when she is born. Our birth plan will include several options for the several possible outcomes - still born, struggling at birth, doing well, may come home with hospice, etc. He never once told me that she didn't have chance, as many other Drs have done. He was very clear of the possible outcomes and realistic that we have no clue what will happen until we lay eyes on her.

Let me say, though, that the term "DNR-comfort care only" should NEVER be used when referring to an infant. It's just not right. Unfortunately, that is the reality at times. That will be our decision if Eva is not doing well at birth. If she is doing well, we are open to other options for her care depending on what she shows us she is capable of. She has already proven to be capable of more than we initially gave her credit for. She's still thriving in her momma's belly and kicks me like crazy just to prove it.

*I did put up two sonogram pictures of her from our 20week scan. In the first one, that is foot pointing to her forehead and in the next one it is closer to her mouth. Right after that, her hand met her foot and she tried to shove both in her open mouth. It was very cute. These were taken on the same day we got her diagnosis, so it was difficult to see at the time, and we were not ready to share the pictures with anyone. Now that we have processed everything and have fallen completely in love with her, we are very proud to share her with our friends and family.

Our next appointment is with the neonatal cardiologist for a fetal ECHO on May 13th. He will tell us how Eva's heart is doing, how it's changed, how it's functioning now, and how it might function after birth. We will know more about her immediate prognosis after this, and can change our birth plan accordingly at that time. After that, I have another sonogram and OB appt on the 22nd. I will be almost 34weeks along and we will be making plans for induction - or at least discussing it. Depending on my fluid levels and Eva's position, we will need to decide on a date for induction as well the possibility for a c-section. If she is breech, we may not have a choice, for my safety. Right now, we are just hoping she goes head down before then. Flip, Eva, Flip!!!!

I also wanted to share that although my posts about Eva tend to be more positive now, I assure you that I am not always positive. I only choose to share the higher points of my days, but there are many sad moments as well. After discussing birth plans and intervention options and what exactly DNR-comfort care only means, I was very sad the remainder of the day. I am lucky to have my mom to talk me through my sad moments and conflicting thoughts and lucky to have a great, supportive husband who picks up the slack when I need to be alone for a while. Lately my sad times have included listening to a few great songs that give me hope and encouraging. Sometimes I just sing and smile and pray through these songs. Other times, I let the tears flow and other times I weep and weep and cry out to God. Here are links to two of my favorite songs right now. The first was written by Angie Smith and her husband (form the band Selah) about their daughter, Audrey Caroline, who they lost shortly after birth. The video and lyrics are tear jerkers, just to warn you. The second is just a slide show of nature scapes with the lyrics prinited. I sit and listen to these songs over and over and get a different reaction each time. It's my time to sit alone and reflect on my thoughts and cry and talk to Eva and talk to God. I will try to come back and add just the lyrics later.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J2CnUtVY35o

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RvrBQL8swLI

Here is Chris Tomlin talking about writing the song, "I Will Rise". http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0BLY5rr24mM

OK, I had to come back and add another song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ijXwHoKeAY&feature=related