Because I Love Her

I was given this by my friends in Sigma Phi Lambda during college and have clung to it ever since.

It has brought great meaning for me several times in my life, including the birth of Hannah, and now the birth and death of Eva. I will always cherish these words, the message, and the scripture that accompanies these words.

Lord, I want to hold Your hand. I want to listen to Your voice. Please cradle me in Your arms, reshape me, mold me, conform me to Your image. Thank You for loving me.


"Because I Love Her...."
I made her…she is different.
She’s unique.
With love I formed her in her mother’s womb.
I fashioned her with great joy.
I remember, with great pleasure, the day I created her.

I love her smile.
I love her ways.
I love to hear her laugh.
And the silly things she says and does.
She brings me great pleasure.
This is how I made her.

I made her pretty and not beautiful,
Because I knew her heart,
And I know that she would be vain…
I wanted her to search her heart,
And to learn that it would be Me in her,
That I would draw friends to her.

I made her in such a way that she would need Me.
I made her a little more lonesome than she would like to be…
Only because of the need for her to learn and depend on Me…
I know her heart,
I know that if I had not made her like this
She would go her own chosen way
And forget me…her Creator.

I have given her many good and happy things…
Because I love her.

Because I love her I have seen her broken heart…
And the tears she cried alone.
I have cried with her,
And had a broken heart, too.

Many times she has stumbled and fallen alone,
Only because she would not hold My hand.
So many lessons she has learned the hard way
Because she would not listen to My voice.

So many times I have watched her go her merry way,
Only to watch her return to My arms,
Sad and broken.

And now she is mine again…
I made her,
And then I bought her…
Because I love her.

I have to reshape and mold her.
To renew her to what I had planned for her to be.
It has not been easy for her or for Me.

I want her to be conformed to My image.
This high goal I have set for her,
Because I love her.

Eva Genelle 6/8 - 9/19/09

Our Sweet Eva Genelle passed away this morning at 4:44am. She was laying in bed in between her mommy and daddy.

We will be planning a memorial service at some point in time. We will keep everyone posted on the details as we get them.

Please keep checking in at caringbridge.org/visit/clearfield for details.

Thank you for all the love and support you have shown.

Love,
Jessica, Dan, Hannah, and Eva

Ah Oh!!!

Hannah can open the refrigerator! We are in trouble now.

Scripture

Psalm 139: 13-16
For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.

My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.

Isaiah 41:10
So do not fear, for I am with you:
do not be dismayed, for I am your God
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Jeremiah 29:11
"For I know the plans I have for you", declares the Lord,"plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Psalm 62: 5-8
Find rest, O my soul, in God alone;
my hope come from him.

He alone is my rock and my salvation;
he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.

My salvation and my honor depend on God;
he is my mighty rock, my refuge.

Trust in him at all time, O people;
pour out your hearts to him,
for God is our refuge.

Nehemiah 8:10
Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.

John 10:10
The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.

Romans 8:28
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Hebrews 11:1
Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.

II Corinthians 5:7
We live by faith, not by sight

Philippians 2:13
For it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose.

Hebrews 10:23
Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful.

Caring Bridge

I have set up a website at CaringBridge so that everyone can go to one place to see updates on Eva's birth Monday. I will have someone posting updates on the site throughout the day, as they can, and throughout the week to update you all on my recovery from the C-section.

The site is http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/clearfield

You can subscribe to get e-mails when we update the site or just bookmark it and check back when you want to. I would appreciate it if you would sign the guest book so that I know who is reading.

I'll try to keep in touch this weekend, maybe post pictures from last week, but I will also be very busy so please forgive me if that doesn't actually happen.

the scoop

Ok, here's the deal with Eva. We are going to try to schedule the c-section for Monday. However, I am keeping a close eye on Eva's movement every day. If I notice her slowing down significantly, we will head to L&D to get evaluated and she may arrive sooner. I am ok with whatever happens. That doesn't mean that I don't have my freak-out moments. I am not good with waiting or with not knowing when she will arrive. I would really hate to loose her before she's born, especially after making it this far, but I don't want to rush into delivering her now just out of fear either. Monday is best for us as far as scheduling goes with Dan and our families and our Doctor. So, that's what we are aiming for. If she needs to arrive sooner or if we loose her, we will live through that as well.

I will have someone post here and/or send an e-mail to the spouse's group so that everyone knows when we are heading in to the hospital.

Keep the prayers coming for my nerves and for Eva's strength. I would give anything to meet my little girl and look into her eyes even if just for a moment. I want her Daddy to get to hold her and feel her move. It's not fair that I've gotten to know her so well for these 35weeks and he may only have a moment. But, that's what I wish for - for him to get to feel her little body in his hands.

I'm hoping my next post will be full of photos from Hannah's birthday party and other happy events. Someone will update you all on Eva again on the day she is arriving.

Nevermind

After speaking to the Dr personally, rather than just speaking to her receptionist, it appears that it would be better for Eva to be born before the 11th. No one knows for sure how long have, of course, but the blood flow was significantly worse yesterday than it was 10 days ago. So, Dan and I are reconsidering Eva's birth date. I would go for Saturday if I could talk one of the Doctors into doing it, but I doubt that's an option. Monday may be the day. We'll see. I think we may just leave it up in the air and I'll let you all know when I actually head to the hospital. Keep the prayers coming - the unknowns are not good for me. UGH!!!



June 11, 2009 will be Eva's birthday if all goes as planned. I feel weird even typing "planned" because non of this has gone according to plan so far, so I don't really know if I expect her to actually arrive on this day or not. However, if we haven't met her before then, she will be arriving around 12pm on June 11, 2009.

I am scheduled for a c-section. I chose to wait until noon so that I could get a chance to wake up with Hannah and explain to her where I am going and that she will see me later in the day.

Please continue to pray for us. We need Eva to stay strong and active until her birthday so that she has a chance to meet her family. As of today, both grandmothers, at least one grandfather and 2 aunts are planning to be at her birth. Her big sister is ready to meet her as well and we truly hope we get the opportunity to introduce them to each other.

Other than strength for Eva, I need prayers for peace. My anxiety may shoot up during this last week, and I really need help to release the worry and place it at the feet of the Lord. I'm not always good at doing that, but that's why I've made it this far. That's the reason I chose to carry Eva to the end. I want God to do His work with us - what ever that may be. I need daily reminders that He is in control.

Thank you all again for your wonderful support so far. I will keep updating as I can.