Another funny bedtime story

First, A little background:
Last year, the press criticized the play of the Oklahome State College quarterback. His coach went on record defending him and telling the press to lay off. During a famous press conference, the coach said, "if you want to pick on someone, don't pick on a kid, pick on me; I'm a man - I'm 40!" Dan thought this was hilarious and had recently turned 30. So, he began saying "I'm a man, I'm 30!" He would say this during any argument. Hannah heard this once and picked up on it. She will say it randomly at times, out of nowhere. It's been weeks/months now since we heard this from her.

Well, lately she has developed quite a little attitude with me and will wrinkle her nose and start to get bossy with me. She is also fighting nap/bedtime lately. Last night, I was getting fed up and told her in a stern voice to "lay down and close her eyes" while I sat in her chair for a minute (this is our routine). She complied for about 20seconds, then popped up, wrinkled her nose at me and said in her own stern voice, "I'm a man, I'm 30!" It was all I could to not roll on the floor laughing. I collected myself, didn't let her get away with the attitude and then walked out of the room to share with Dan. We laughed for several minutes.

We are amazed every day by what comes out of her little mouth. She is a sponge and will bring things up from weeks/months ago and just knock us on the floor laughing.

She really is the light of our lives!

Recent Pics

Hannah is being calm today and playing quietly alone so I thought I would download some recent pics. On Friday we went to the park with friends. Hannah and Madeline had a blast together - they are such sweet little BFFs. We had a great morning. I got a headache in the afternoon which followed me all weekend and is still lingering today. That, on top of lack of sleep, led to a rough weekend emotionally for me.

The weekends seem to be the hardest, but I'm not sure why. I usually feel better when Monday rolls around. Maybe it has something to do with Dan being here to pick up the slack so I can let myself feel what ever I want? That makes sense. It's not too bad, though, not like I sit around weeping, just quiet introspection really. But, throughout the bad moments, joyful moments happen that make us laugh. Hannah is a joy!

Here are some pics from our weekend.
First at the Park:
Snack time with Madeline

Big Blue Slide
Really big tunnel slide
Swings with Madeline
Bridge with Madeline: Madeline was VERY concerned that Hannah was putting her head through the bars. She kept holding her back and saying "be careful, don't fall". It was sweet.
On the top of the slides with Evelyn.
Her day with Daddy while Mommy got some much needed rest and headache relief.

Showing Jimbo some love and him returning the love to Hannah.

They have a tight relationship because Hannah lets him have her left overs - like this princess cup filled with left over chocolate milk and a few stray pieces of dinner food. Lil' Lisa was sad she missed out on the action.
Here I am at 29weeks. I am much larger than I was with Hannah at this point. It's strange to big bigger since Eva is smaller and my fluid is low. The little bit of extra weight I had before Eva came along added to the fact that I eat worse now than I did in 2005/06, means a lot of it is just extra fat layers and not really baby. Anyway, Eva is still very active and finally taking advantage of all the room she has in there. She moves from top to bottom and side to side quite often.


P.S. We lost another "birthday fish" this weekend. They were not fed while we were in California and their water got low, so it's no wonder one of them didn't make it. He/she/it had a long life though. Almost a whole year in the Clearfield household! We now have 3 birthday fish, 2 black spotted fish, and sucker fish - who is the mystery culprit that keeps moving the rocks around and knocking over Dory, the fish from Nemo.

A Conversation with Dan

Me: Why is my towel on the bathroom floor?
Dan: I needed to step out of the shower to get my razor and put it down so the floor wouldn't get too wet.
Me: Why didn't you use your towel?
Dan: I didn't know that one was yours.
Me: How did you not know that one was mine? Who's did you think it was?
Dan: I thought we used the same towel.
Me (annoyed): No, Dan, we don't use the same towel, that's why there are two hooks and two different towels at all times. The same reason I told you last week that we do not share a toothbrush. Two of something means one is yours and one is mine.
Dan (laughing and sarcastic): We don't use the same toothbrush? Wait, which one is yours?

(And yes, he was actually using my toothbrush for a while. Gross!)

And such is a day in the life of Jessica living with Dan, my first of 4 children. Who are the other 3 you ask? First was Dan, then he went out and got Jimbo even though the dog peed on his leg at the pound - he was still "the one" - yeah, that worked out well; he's wonderfully trained. Then I just had to have Lil'Lisa and she has caused her own trouble around here (still poops in the floor at times). My 4th child was Hannah and in many, many ways is still the easiest of them all, even though, by the end of the night I wish I was a drinker so I could calm my nerves with some wine or beer or vodka - yeah, that's it, straight up vodka should do the trick. Since I can't drink, I'll just stick to prescription medications. If only I could find a Doctor to prescribe me the good stuff!

Edited to Add: It's not that he used my towel, it's that he threw it on the floor, walked on it, and left it there. It was a fresh towel and now it's dirty. Also, if I had to use his toothbrush, I would. But if there are two in the holder, just use your own - that's what it's there for. After 7yrs of marriage, does he really not know that we have separate towels and toothbrushes? Really? The level of clueless amazes me sometimes and really makes me laugh. Not that I don't have my clueless times - I'm sure I drive him bananas too.

Also, after living here for 2yrs, you would think he could remember where we keep the soup bowls so he doesn't have to ask me every time he makes soup. I think he just enjoys pestering me. He KNOWS where the bowls are. ;)

Love ya, Babe! Really, I do. :)p

"I a doggy"

Last night Dan had a killer headache and went to lay down while Hannah and I played for a little while. When it was time to wake him up, I told Hannah to go give him a hug and kiss and tell him it was time to get up. She ran in the room and the dogs followed her. I kicked them out and she insisted that they needed to give "daddy kisses too". I told her no, they would give him kisses later. Well, she crawled up next to him, gave him a hug, then licked his cheek. That's right, LICKED his cheek. She was giving him doggy kisses since the dogs couldn't.

Pretending to be a dog is her new thing. Also, having others pretend to be dogs so she can tell them to "sit, lay, stay, etc". She also rewards them with treats for behaving and following commands. Luckily, I have escaped this torture so far, but Daddy and G (Dan's dad) have both had to endure this game of hers.

When Hannah is pretending to be a dog, she tells me "I a doggy". Oh, what fun the imagination stage is. Now if only I could get her to follow commands like a doggy. That would be a big help.

Many things to update

We are home! We had a 16hr day on Thursday that stretched into early Friday morning. I woke Hannah up at 8am California time and we did not arrive home until 2am Ohio time. What a day! We flew stand by, so we missed the first few flights we tried to get on, then the 4th flight was a little late. Finally, the flight from DFW to Ohio was over 2hrs late! Fortunately, my dad met us at the airport and we got to visit for a couple of hours. Our flight finally took off a little after 10pm Central time, landed at 1:30am Ohio time. Hannah was in bed and asleep at 2:30am and slept until about 2pm the next day. I wasn't about to wake her up! She didn't sleep during our entire trip home on Thursday, so she needed the sleep. We are almost back on track with our sleep/nap schedule.

BIG NEWS!!! Dan made Cheif Resident! He has wanted to make Cheif since starting at the family practice program. He has worked really hard to earn the spot and we are so very proud of him. He will be sharing the position with Alison Himes, who has also worked hard to earn the position. Next year will be great with those too in the Cheif Resident position. Way to go, Dan!!

Also, more props to Dan for having the house clean when I returned home from California. That was a big surprise and a relief to have less to do this week. Thanks again, Dan! Then, on Saturday, I got to sleep in - almost until Hannah's nap time. After I got her settled for nap, I left the house for some ME time. I went shopping for regular groceries that we needed. I love the store when Hannah's not with me. Then I went on the hunt for new eyeglasses. That was a task and took forever, but I finally picked a pair. I just can't do contacts. I hate them. It's a nice idea, but my eyes get dry and the contacts move around and get blurry. What's the point if I can only see clearly half the time? I would rather just deal with glasses until I'm able to have Lasik eventually. I've had glasses this long, why change now? Oh well.

After having the day to myself, I returned home in time for bedtime and felt much more relaxed, rested, and ready to deal with home life again. Sunday was a great day filled with lots of family time and getting work done around the house. We had a nice dinner together and a nice evening of games and books and a relaxing bedtime. It was a great weekend!

Everything else is pretty much the same as it was before. I am still getting bigger and more uncomfortable by the day. It is worth it though, because I can see and feel Eva growing and getting more and more active. She lets me know she's doing well every single day by kicking me and rolling around. I can feel her up by my belly button now. She moving around more and more and taking full advantage of all the room she's got in there.

The only change so far has been that we have decided to stay with Dr. Papp and let her deliver Eva at Doctor's Hospital. If we don't stay with her, we would have to start all over with a brand new Dr and I don't want to do that. We would rather stay with her as we have been very pleased with the care she has provided and with her staff and the hospital staff. We will just pray for as peaceful of an experience as possible so that it's not too painful for me to return to the hospital after Eva arrives.

I will try to post pictures when I can. I really hate how long it takes to download photos here. I may just put it all on Snapfish and refer you all there to look at photos. If you just can't wait to see pictures of our trip, Dan has posted some on his Facebook page. If you are friends with him, pop over there and take a look.

California

We are enjoying our week in California.  Dan's dad turned 60 yesterday and we through him a surprise bash.  It was wonderfully planned for over 6months and we can't believe that everyone held in the secret for so long.  Friday night we had a wonderful dinner and yesterday was a bus tour through wine country (no car seat on the bus!!! - talk about nervous mommy), including a stop at 2 vineyards and a picnic lunch at a nature and art preservation.  The weather couldn't have been more perfect!  I was not expecting so much walking, so I did get pretty exhausted quickly and with my irritable uterus had to sit out a couple of times to rest.  By the end of the LONG day I was bushed.  The house was full of family and friends and it was very difficult to just sit down.  All the up and down gave me several BH contractions, but Eva stayed active through it all, so I knew all was well.  By the end of the day, my lower back and pelvis KILL me, but that's normal for any pregnancy when you've already gained 20lbs and have to carry around a 30lb toddler.  

That's right, Hannah is already 30lbs!  Well, almost, but it's such a small margin, we just round up.  She's getting so big, she is in 3T clothes now - for height more than width.  It's tough to find the right pants.  Luckily, we are coming up on dress season.  Also, she only has 3lbs before we have to turn her forward facing full-time in her current car seats.  3years and 30lbs was my goal and we are almost there.  She may even make it to 4yrs if those 3lbs come on slowly.  I may turn her earlier though, since her body is finally catching up to her head.  What a big milestone that will be for us.  

Dan had to leave today and we will miss him very much.  Duty calls.  Hannah and I will stay until Thursday so that we can celebrate the first night of Passover with the family.  There are great parks here and wonderful outdoor shopping areas.  When it's just the girls, we relax a lot and play a lot and shop a lot.  I am looking forward to it.  We really wanted to swim, but it's not quite warm enough yet; the pool water is still freezing.  We haven't found any indoor pools, but are hunting for one.  I'll let you know if we make it to the pool.

I have tons of pics I have been meaning to post from home and from California, but I don't know how to do it here and they have Macs and I will not risk messing something up.  I will post several pics when we return home.  Hopefully that will catch everyone up.  

I will get back to mingling with family now.  See you all next week.

Miracles

I have been thinking a lot lately, A LOT - as a matter of fact, my brain rarely shuts up these days. I think about Eva, Hannah, Dan, our marriage, our future, my family, my wonderful friends, etc. All these thoughts bring me back to the Lord and just how wonderful He is to me. He is really wonderful, beyond measure, and beyond words, and beyond any human comprehension. Several things have happened in the last 2 weeks that are no doubt God showing Himself to me. It is really easy to get lost in anger and despair in times like this. It is really easy to turn on God, to blame Him for the heartaches we endure. However, I am grateful to have a real relationship with the Lord so that I know that those thoughts of anger and despair are not from God nor should they be directed AT God. As a matter of fact, He will use these heartaches for good. Romans 8:28 "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose." My relationship with the Lord has grown tremendously through this, as I am learning what it really means to Trust Him, to really TRUST HIM in all ways.

As I was leaving the meeting with the neonatologist on the 12th of last month, I was finally SURE that I was not going to deliver Eva early. I was given peace that told me what my decision would be. As I sat in the car after the meeting, I spoke with God and told Him that I was trusting Him with Eva, with my pregnancy, with Eva's birth, her life, her death, my marriage, with everything in my life really. The next day, Hannah and I were browsing Target clearance (which is our weekly routine) and I was thinking we should look at journals so that I could write my thoughts to Eva and save them forever. I was wanting something really special, not just any old journal. Just as we rounded the corner to look at the clearance end cap, THIS journal was sitting there right on top. Was this a sign or what?

Second huge sign was this past Tuesday. I had an appointment with my OB and they did an ultrasound to check on Eva before my trip. It was not a great appointment as they told me that my placenta is large, my amniotic fluid is low, and the tech "thinks" that the valve in Eva's heart has stopped working. None of those things are good signs. I left feeling let down and a little low. I didn't want things to look any worse than they had been last time, but they seem to be. I came home and checked my blogs during nap time. I opened to these two entries by two moms I have been "following". I have spoken of the "Bring the Rain" blog (this mom lost her daughter shortly after birth) and MckMama's son wasn't given a chance to live as his heart was failing even in the womb. However, after birth he amazed the Doctors and was able to go home (he is now having heart trouble again after 4months of being healthy). These two entries are related and the first one references the second. If you have time, you should really read these entries and even the ones before and after them. This was exactly what I needed on that day. It is amazing that as I read about these two women, and many others who have lived this nightmare, I have had these EXACT same thoughts and emotions. There is an odd connection between anyone who has lived this. I realize, too, how Eva IS a miracle. The things God is doing through her and with her IS a miracle. Every minute I get to hold her in my womb IS a miracle. Every minute He allows us to spend with her IS a mircle. I have no doubt there is more in store for us through this little life. Eva is more than a set of "imbalanced chromosomes"; she is more than a list of "abnormalities"; she is my daughter and she is a child of God and she IS a miracle. So, after reading these entries and thinking this for several hours, I find this photo frame at the consignment shop. Just another in a series of ways God is showing Himself to me through all of this.

Also, during Bible study last week, we read an entry about God being sovereign and how we cannot change Him or His will (this is what MckMama was writing about too). He knows all before it happens. He knows our prayers before we speak them. We beseech Him in many ways, but our ways are not His ways and our plans are not His plans. That is why I will continue to praise Him through all of this heartache. I will praise Him if He heals Eva, I will praise Him if He takes her home from my womb, I will praise Him if He allows us to meet her, I will praise Him for every second He may allow us to spend with her, and I will continue to praise Him forever and ever, even after Eva is gone - no matter how much time we are allowed with her. He will make many miracles from her life. He already has in many ways - I am changed, my marriage is changed, my relationships with friends and family are changed. Those are all miracles that God has allowed through Eva's life so far. I know there will be many, many more.

I am also writing an entry in Eva's journal where I specialize Psalm 139 just for her. I have read that Psalm over and over and over again. It is amazing and gives me such peace in knowing that God knows Eva personally and is caring for her and will be with her forever. He knows every hair on her head and every minute that her life will bring. He already knows her and loves her, just as He does each of His children. If you have a chance, read Psalm 139, especially verses 13-16. I will post my "special" version when I can.

Finally, my Aunt asked if there was anything she could do for us. She lives in San Diego and rarely gets to visit. She had a baby blanket knitted for Hannah and I thought it would be very special if we had one just like it (only smaller) to wrap Eva in during our time with her. She is having it made right now. What a special keep sake that will be; for both of our daughters to have the same baby blanket. Here is a portion of Hannah's blanket that will be copied for Eva.