Update

I finally added a few pictures of my new niece with mom and dad. She is beautiful and is being such a great baby. My brother (Phillip) and Mary look so happy to be with their new daughter. I am so proud of my brother and can't wait until I can visit and see them together in person.

Also, I have to thank all of you who have prayed for us, sent meals, sent e-mails, sent cards, or who are just thinking about us during this very difficult time. We are so blessed to have such wonderful people in our lives. This has been the worst week of our lives and I'm afraid there will be more sorrow to come. For now, though, I am finding peace with our situation. The Lord is always faithful to provide and never forsake. I have been pointed to many great scriptures and songs recently that bring my back to what it's all about and help me focus on the big picture.

I mourned all week long and I think I have finally accepted that our daughter is not going to have the life we had envisioned for her. I know, though, that her life is serving a purpose. No matter how long we have with her, I know she is changing us and she will continue to. Dan and I have become very close this week. It's through the tough times that we are reminded that we are truly best friends. Only he can hold me and comfort me in the really dark times. I feel blessed to have such a wonderful husband and father for my children.

My mind has been racing all week long and I am finally at a point where I can just sit back and take one day at a time. I know we will get through this, no matter how hard it is moment to moment.

A friend pointed me to a wonderful blog entitled "Bring the Rain". It's a line from a Christian song and reading the lyrics on that blog made me realize why a certain song has been on my mind for several weeks now. It's interesting how you notice these coincidences after the fact and realize how they may not be coincidences after all, but God speaking to your heart. The lyrics are below.

Ginny Owens - If You Want Me To

The pathway is broken
And the signs are unclear
And I don't know the reason why You brought me here
But just because You love me the way that You do
I'm gonna walk through the valley
If You want me to

Cause I'm not who I was
When I took my first step
And I'm clinging to the promise You're not through with me yet
So if all of these trials bring me closer to You
Then I will go through the fire
If You want me to

It may not be the way I would have chosen
When You lead me through a world that's not my home
But You never said it would be easy
You only said I'll never go alone (yeah oh oh)

So when the whole world turns against me
And I'm all by myself
And I can't hear You answer my cries for help
I'll remember the sufferin' Your love put You through
And I will go through the valley
If You want me to

When I cross over Jordan, I'm gonna sing, gonna shout
Gonna look into your eyes and see you never let me down
So take me on the pathway that leads me home to you
And I will walk through the valley if you want me to

Yes, I will walk through the valley if you want me to

Also, just have to share a couple of scriptures that others have led me to.

Proverbs 3: 5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight."

Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Finally, just a warning: I tend to over share, and then change my mind and wish I hadn't opened up so much. So, I may not leave all of this up. But for now, it was therapeutic to get it all out.

Madeline Rose is here!

Mom was induced at 3am Monday morning. Her labor was slow to progress. She was only 4cm at 10pm, so they turned off the pitocin and let her get some rest over night. She dilated on her own overnight and was 10cm at 8am. She pushed for 1.5hrs with a little help from some pitocin in the end. Madeline was born at 9:25am central time. She weighed 7lbs 1oz and is 20inches long (with the cone head), so probably really 19inches. She has light blonde hair, just like her parents, even has blonde/white eye lashes and eye brows. Can't wait to meet her in person!

Yay! I'm a new aunt! I will post pictures as soon as I can figure out how to get them off of my phone or when I get come via e-mail.

Maddy is almost here!

My brother's girlfriend is being induced this morning. Actually, she started the process at 3am! Hopefully it goes quickly and easily for her and baby and I will posting pictures of my new niece in a few hours. I can't wait to meet baby Madeline "Maddy".

Salma Hayek is my hero!

I was given this link by a friend and it made me cry. Salma Hayek nursed a starving baby in Africa while she was there. She shares a story about her Great-grandmother doing the same thing and it is very touching.

http://www.lemondrop.com/2009/02/10/salma-hayek-breast-feeds-a-hungry-african-babe/?icid=200100397x1218985984x1201212187

I love how she treats it so naturally and is not camera shy. I love it when mothers are not ashamed of nursing and are able to show how natural and beautiful it truly is.

No more fruit!

Hannah is very sensitive to fruit. It makes her really gassy. I have to really limit her fruit intake. She LOVES fruit so much, that if I keep it stocked in the fridge, that's all she wants to eat. Well, last night we went to a SuperBowl party which was really a get together with my Bible Study group and a play time for the kids. The men watched the game in another room. A great big thanks to Julie and Josh for hosting.

Anyway, Hannah ate lots of pears, and grapes and drank apple juice. I knew she was eating a lot, but I figured it was no big deal, she would be fine, etc. Last night I put her to bed without issue. Around 10:30, she wakes up screaming. I go to her, she wants Dan, Dan comes in and neither of us can comfort her. She was screaming with terrible gas pain until 1:30am. Poor baby was in so much pain nothing could comfort her. I even resorted to trying to nurse her after 1hr of non-stop crying. She tried, but got mad and started crying "milkies all gone". I guess my milk is dried up finally. Poor baby could not get comfortable. She fell asleep on my lap for about 30min from 12 - 12:30am, then woke up screaming again. After she finally fell asleep in her crib, it was a huge relief. She woke up at her regular 9:30am and had a pretty good morning, although obviously exhausted. She started haveing pains again and once I could comfort her we laid down for an early nap time. I'm happy to report she is sleeping quietly at the moment. I'm going to try to get a small nap too to recover from last night.

From now on, I need to really limit her access to fruit, especially different kinds at one sitting. Poor thing, she loves fruit so much, but it just does not agree with her.

The Little Mermaid and Bedtime

I've never really liked Disney movies and the messages they send to young girls. However, The Little Mermaid is an all time favorite of mine so I let Hannah watch it. I didn't think we would have issues at 2.5yrs. Well, I was wrong. Last night, I asked Hannah for a kiss and she came at me with her head tilted to the side and her mouth open. I said, that's not how we kiss Mommy. Who kisses like that? She says, little mermaid kisses. Well, great! Now I've got to figure out how to get her to stop doing that.

Last night, Hannah was put down around 9pm for bedtime. At 11pm, she was still playing/singing in her crib. Dan went to her door to listen to what she was saying. She was in her crib rehearsing her many excuses and stall tactics. Dan overheard her saying, "my head hurts. my finger hurts. my foot hurts. my ear hurts." etc, etc, etc. We just about died laughing! She is so funny. She is really good at getting us to come in her room with her fake crying and excuses for kissing her boo-boos. I guess she sits in bed at night and rehearses her "act".

A few things

First, a small update on me. I'm still having a tough time with this pregnancy. Good news is that the baby is GREAT! It's just Mommy that's having a rough time of it lately. After my stomach bug went away, I started having other feminine/pregnancy issues that cause me to stay off my feet as much as possible. Not fun at all; the house is a disaster. If you can imagine having a 2.5yo running around the house with an immobile Mommy and a Daddy with one broken foot, you can imagine how things can get out of hand quickly. Dan has really been stepping up to help, even on one foot, but he's been doing too much. So, today, a friend is running to the store for us (Keren, you are a life saver!) and I am hiring our babysitter to take out the trash and shovel the driveway/sidewalk. Dan has been doing these things, but he's really pushing it on one foot. It stinks to have 2 handicapped parents, but this too shall pass.

As for Hannah, she is rare form lately. She has been so good. She's been sweet and kind and taking care of us for a change. We both feel badly when we have to tell her we can't do something. It's sad when she asks, "but why?". Dan managed to play in the snow with her the other night and last night, when I couldn't put her in the back carrier, she carried her babies on her back instead. I finally have pictures to post. Yay! Enjoy! I put them at the bottom.

A couple of funny Hannah moments:
The other night when my problems got bad and I was laying in bed, I explained to her that she had to either lay next to me in bed and not get up, or go watch a movie with Daddy and not get up. She chose a movie with Daddy - Nemo to be exact. On the way out of the room, she covered me with a blanket, put her babies beside me, gave me a kiss and turned off the light. I told her, "Hannah, you are the best girl." She replied, "I know!"

When I had to go to the ER Tuesday night, she came with us and walked around with Dan and met all of the Drs and nurses. She was, again, the best girl. I thought I was hiding from her what was wrong with me. I just told her Mommy didn't feel well. Well, she's too smart for me. At one point she crawled up on the cot with me, laid downa and asked for a shot. We asked why, what's wrong and she answered, "I need a shot for my tushie, like Mommy". Boy was I red. Then, after the Drs saw me, she asked, "Mommy, is your tushie all better?". From the mouths of babes. You can't keep anything from this kid, let me tell you.

P.S. please no questions about the exact problem. We'll just leave it at "feminine/pregnancy problems". OK?

On this night, we gave our pink bear a bath and put on his pj's and laid in bed with him and gave him milk until he was asleep.

All that hard work and Hannah got a boo-boo on her nose and needed a Dora bandaid.
Next day, we got out all of our favorite dolls and put on a show, then lined up all the small pieces to a toy on the TV stand.
If Mommy can't do any baby carrying, Hannah will do it herself. Two babies at one time is hard work. When Hannah got bundled up for the snow, she could barely move. It was funny to watch her waddle outside, but she was very excited to make "snow bunnies".
It was dark by the time they were ready to go out, but they still had a blast. Mommy stayed in and only stepped out to take 2 quick pictures - this was the only good one.