Also, I have to thank all of you who have prayed for us, sent meals, sent e-mails, sent cards, or who are just thinking about us during this very difficult time. We are so blessed to have such wonderful people in our lives. This has been the worst week of our lives and I'm afraid there will be more sorrow to come. For now, though, I am finding peace with our situation. The Lord is always faithful to provide and never forsake. I have been pointed to many great scriptures and songs recently that bring my back to what it's all about and help me focus on the big picture.
I mourned all week long and I think I have finally accepted that our daughter is not going to have the life we had envisioned for her. I know, though, that her life is serving a purpose. No matter how long we have with her, I know she is changing us and she will continue to. Dan and I have become very close this week. It's through the tough times that we are reminded that we are truly best friends. Only he can hold me and comfort me in the really dark times. I feel blessed to have such a wonderful husband and father for my children.
My mind has been racing all week long and I am finally at a point where I can just sit back and take one day at a time. I know we will get through this, no matter how hard it is moment to moment.
A friend pointed me to a wonderful blog entitled "Bring the Rain". It's a line from a Christian song and reading the lyrics on that blog made me realize why a certain song has been on my mind for several weeks now. It's interesting how you notice these coincidences after the fact and realize how they may not be coincidences after all, but God speaking to your heart. The lyrics are below.
Ginny Owens - If You Want Me To
The pathway is broken
And the signs are unclear
And I don't know the reason why You brought me here
But just because You love me the way that You do
I'm gonna walk through the valley
If You want me to
Cause I'm not who I was
When I took my first step
And I'm clinging to the promise You're not through with me yet
So if all of these trials bring me closer to You
Then I will go through the fire
If You want me to
It may not be the way I would have chosen
When You lead me through a world that's not my home
But You never said it would be easy
You only said I'll never go alone (yeah oh oh)
So when the whole world turns against me
And I'm all by myself
And I can't hear You answer my cries for help
I'll remember the sufferin' Your love put You through
And I will go through the valley
If You want me to
When I cross over Jordan, I'm gonna sing, gonna shout
Gonna look into your eyes and see you never let me down
So take me on the pathway that leads me home to you
And I will walk through the valley if you want me to
Yes, I will walk through the valley if you want me to
Also, just have to share a couple of scriptures that others have led me to.
Proverbs 3: 5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight."
Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
Finally, just a warning: I tend to over share, and then change my mind and wish I hadn't opened up so much. So, I may not leave all of this up. But for now, it was therapeutic to get it all out.
