Psalm 139: 13-16
For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
Isaiah 41:10
So do not fear, for I am with you:
do not be dismayed, for I am your God
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Jeremiah 29:11
"For I know the plans I have for you", declares the Lord,"plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
Psalm 62: 5-8
Find rest, O my soul, in God alone;
my hope come from him.
He alone is my rock and my salvation;
he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.
My salvation and my honor depend on God;
he is my mighty rock, my refuge.
Trust in him at all time, O people;
pour out your hearts to him,
for God is our refuge.
Nehemiah 8:10
Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.
John 10:10
The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.
Romans 8:28
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
Hebrews 11:1
Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.
II Corinthians 5:7
We live by faith, not by sight
Philippians 2:13
For it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose.
Hebrews 10:23
Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful.
Monday, June 8, 2009
Friday, June 5, 2009
Caring Bridge
I have set up a website at CaringBridge so that everyone can go to one place to see updates on Eva's birth Monday. I will have someone posting updates on the site throughout the day, as they can, and throughout the week to update you all on my recovery from the C-section.
The site is http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/clearfield
You can subscribe to get e-mails when we update the site or just bookmark it and check back when you want to. I would appreciate it if you would sign the guest book so that I know who is reading.
I'll try to keep in touch this weekend, maybe post pictures from last week, but I will also be very busy so please forgive me if that doesn't actually happen.
The site is http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/clearfield
You can subscribe to get e-mails when we update the site or just bookmark it and check back when you want to. I would appreciate it if you would sign the guest book so that I know who is reading.
I'll try to keep in touch this weekend, maybe post pictures from last week, but I will also be very busy so please forgive me if that doesn't actually happen.
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
the scoop
Ok, here's the deal with Eva. We are going to try to schedule the c-section for Monday. However, I am keeping a close eye on Eva's movement every day. If I notice her slowing down significantly, we will head to L&D to get evaluated and she may arrive sooner. I am ok with whatever happens. That doesn't mean that I don't have my freak-out moments. I am not good with waiting or with not knowing when she will arrive. I would really hate to loose her before she's born, especially after making it this far, but I don't want to rush into delivering her now just out of fear either. Monday is best for us as far as scheduling goes with Dan and our families and our Doctor. So, that's what we are aiming for. If she needs to arrive sooner or if we loose her, we will live through that as well.
I will have someone post here and/or send an e-mail to the spouse's group so that everyone knows when we are heading in to the hospital.
Keep the prayers coming for my nerves and for Eva's strength. I would give anything to meet my little girl and look into her eyes even if just for a moment. I want her Daddy to get to hold her and feel her move. It's not fair that I've gotten to know her so well for these 35weeks and he may only have a moment. But, that's what I wish for - for him to get to feel her little body in his hands.
I'm hoping my next post will be full of photos from Hannah's birthday party and other happy events. Someone will update you all on Eva again on the day she is arriving.
I will have someone post here and/or send an e-mail to the spouse's group so that everyone knows when we are heading in to the hospital.
Keep the prayers coming for my nerves and for Eva's strength. I would give anything to meet my little girl and look into her eyes even if just for a moment. I want her Daddy to get to hold her and feel her move. It's not fair that I've gotten to know her so well for these 35weeks and he may only have a moment. But, that's what I wish for - for him to get to feel her little body in his hands.
I'm hoping my next post will be full of photos from Hannah's birthday party and other happy events. Someone will update you all on Eva again on the day she is arriving.
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Nevermind
After speaking to the Dr personally, rather than just speaking to her receptionist, it appears that it would be better for Eva to be born before the 11th. No one knows for sure how long have, of course, but the blood flow was significantly worse yesterday than it was 10 days ago. So, Dan and I are reconsidering Eva's birth date. I would go for Saturday if I could talk one of the Doctors into doing it, but I doubt that's an option. Monday may be the day. We'll see. I think we may just leave it up in the air and I'll let you all know when I actually head to the hospital. Keep the prayers coming - the unknowns are not good for me. UGH!!!
June 11, 2009 will be Eva's birthday if all goes as planned. I feel weird even typing "planned" because non of this has gone according to plan so far, so I don't really know if I expect her to actually arrive on this day or not. However, if we haven't met her before then, she will be arriving around 12pm on June 11, 2009.
I am scheduled for a c-section. I chose to wait until noon so that I could get a chance to wake up with Hannah and explain to her where I am going and that she will see me later in the day.
Please continue to pray for us. We need Eva to stay strong and active until her birthday so that she has a chance to meet her family. As of today, both grandmothers, at least one grandfather and 2 aunts are planning to be at her birth. Her big sister is ready to meet her as well and we truly hope we get the opportunity to introduce them to each other.
Other than strength for Eva, I need prayers for peace. My anxiety may shoot up during this last week, and I really need help to release the worry and place it at the feet of the Lord. I'm not always good at doing that, but that's why I've made it this far. That's the reason I chose to carry Eva to the end. I want God to do His work with us - what ever that may be. I need daily reminders that He is in control.
Thank you all again for your wonderful support so far. I will keep updating as I can.
June 11, 2009 will be Eva's birthday if all goes as planned. I feel weird even typing "planned" because non of this has gone according to plan so far, so I don't really know if I expect her to actually arrive on this day or not. However, if we haven't met her before then, she will be arriving around 12pm on June 11, 2009.
I am scheduled for a c-section. I chose to wait until noon so that I could get a chance to wake up with Hannah and explain to her where I am going and that she will see me later in the day.
Please continue to pray for us. We need Eva to stay strong and active until her birthday so that she has a chance to meet her family. As of today, both grandmothers, at least one grandfather and 2 aunts are planning to be at her birth. Her big sister is ready to meet her as well and we truly hope we get the opportunity to introduce them to each other.
Other than strength for Eva, I need prayers for peace. My anxiety may shoot up during this last week, and I really need help to release the worry and place it at the feet of the Lord. I'm not always good at doing that, but that's why I've made it this far. That's the reason I chose to carry Eva to the end. I want God to do His work with us - what ever that may be. I need daily reminders that He is in control.
Thank you all again for your wonderful support so far. I will keep updating as I can.
Monday, June 1, 2009
Blessings
I am sitting here in a very quiet house and can't get my mind off of all the wonderful blessings I've been given lately. Hannah is actually napping today, Whoa!, thanks to Keren who lovingly stayed with her while I went to the Dr and gently told her to lay back down after cleaning her bottom (thanks Keren, sorry about the surprise she had for you ;)) I would usually just lay down and try to rest, but I can't really rest right now.
First, I got to sleep in thanks to Emmy and G waking up with Hannah, feeding her, and keeping her entertained. So, I'm really not all that tired anyway. This should lead to a very good evening once Dan gets home and we can help Hannah enjoy all of her new birthday gifts.
Thank you to all of you who helped us celebrate Hannah's 3rd birthday yesterday. She was all smiles and I haven't seen that much joy on her face for that many hours in a long time. Dan and I really wanted to give her a very special day during this very stressful time. We are so blessed to know each and every one of you - you all made it a wonderful day. Not only are Dan and I blessed to have found such wonderful friends here in Columbus, but I never knew how much joy it would bring us to see Hannah loving all of her wonderful friends. Hannah loves each and every one of your children and even asks me to "talk to God about her friends" every night. We have even gotten to know many of your spouses and even your parents. I can't even begin to tell you how much you all mean to us.
We are so blessed to have a wonderful family who is willing to fly across the country to celebrate the day with us. Hannah had a blast with Emmy and G! All the outdoor gifts are perfect and will provide tons of entertainment this summer. Hannah even got to talk on the phone with her wonderful aunts and uncles who were unable to be here, but would never forget her birthday.
Also, and this may seem trivial at first, but bear with me, we have been very blessed by generous gifts from both sides of our families, several friends, and even strangers recently. Both of our parents have generously offered to help us out financially lately - not that they haven't in past, but it means so much right now. Strangers have sent us clothes and keepsakes for Eva. String of Pearls mailed me a keepsake kit to get Eva's hand and footprints, clay molds, an ornament, a photo book, a journal, and even tea to help dry my milk if I am unable to nurse Eva. Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep is sending someone to take maternity/family photos of us as well as coming to Eva's birth to get her first photos. Before I knew that NILMDTS would take maternity photos, Melissa Jones offered to give us a great deal on a full photo shoot at Homestead Park with a CD of all the proofs - I will share our favorites soon. Several mothers from car-seat.org have shared their stories with me about losing their own infants and sent me books and links that helped them make it through the tough times. All of these things, although mostly monetary and material, have such a HUGE emotional impact as well. When our minds are consumed of thought of Eva and the unknown, the stress of looking for preemie items, or calling photographers, or calling medical billing offices, really take an extra emotional toll. Each and every gift, however small they may seem to the giver, have a huge impact on our hearts.
Anytime a worry is lifted, we have more time to focus on our family now. We are able to focus on allowing Hannah to have the best childhood we can give her. The less I worry, the more smiles I can share with her. The more bills that are paid off, the more I can allow myself to enjoy a nice play group that may cost a little bit extra - or even a nice dinner at Red Robin. Every time I can scratch something off of my "to do for Eva" list, I am able to just concentrate on enjoying my pregnancy with her. Yes, I do enjoy every bit of it - even the back pain and headaches and sleepless nights and swelling and pelvis pain and kicks to the bladder and even watching my weight climb ever so high on the scale. I complain, but I love it just the same. She's my little girl and she can kick me any time she wants to, just as her big sister can run up and hit me in the face with her birthday balloons any time she wants to (I got to experience that this morning).
I also got an e-mail from a friend back home asking if my mom was on the radio this morning sharing our story. I assumed "no" because my mom doesn't call into radio shows. Well, she did this morning! It was a conservative radio talk show in DFW and they were discussing the murder of the late-term abortion Dr yesterday and several related issues. My mom called in to share my story as a mother who refused to terminate even after a fatal diagnosis. I now have many more strangers in the DFW area praying for me and our family. What a blessing! Thanks mom. Unfortunately, they don't have the call-in part of the show on-line, so I can't hear what was said, but still a blessing to know our story may have helped a woman in a similar situation decide to carry her baby and see what blessings God may have in store for her through the tough times.
Blessings, blessings, blessings everywhere and we don't know what we've done to deserve them all. We certainly are thankful for them all and want you all to know how much you mean to us and how much we love and cherish each and everyone of you. We thank God for you all.
Ok, I guess I should go enjoy the rest of nap time and catch up on my soap operas - ABC is actually coming in today after almost 2 weeks of always going out during "my stories".
First, I got to sleep in thanks to Emmy and G waking up with Hannah, feeding her, and keeping her entertained. So, I'm really not all that tired anyway. This should lead to a very good evening once Dan gets home and we can help Hannah enjoy all of her new birthday gifts.
Thank you to all of you who helped us celebrate Hannah's 3rd birthday yesterday. She was all smiles and I haven't seen that much joy on her face for that many hours in a long time. Dan and I really wanted to give her a very special day during this very stressful time. We are so blessed to know each and every one of you - you all made it a wonderful day. Not only are Dan and I blessed to have found such wonderful friends here in Columbus, but I never knew how much joy it would bring us to see Hannah loving all of her wonderful friends. Hannah loves each and every one of your children and even asks me to "talk to God about her friends" every night. We have even gotten to know many of your spouses and even your parents. I can't even begin to tell you how much you all mean to us.
We are so blessed to have a wonderful family who is willing to fly across the country to celebrate the day with us. Hannah had a blast with Emmy and G! All the outdoor gifts are perfect and will provide tons of entertainment this summer. Hannah even got to talk on the phone with her wonderful aunts and uncles who were unable to be here, but would never forget her birthday.
Also, and this may seem trivial at first, but bear with me, we have been very blessed by generous gifts from both sides of our families, several friends, and even strangers recently. Both of our parents have generously offered to help us out financially lately - not that they haven't in past, but it means so much right now. Strangers have sent us clothes and keepsakes for Eva. String of Pearls mailed me a keepsake kit to get Eva's hand and footprints, clay molds, an ornament, a photo book, a journal, and even tea to help dry my milk if I am unable to nurse Eva. Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep is sending someone to take maternity/family photos of us as well as coming to Eva's birth to get her first photos. Before I knew that NILMDTS would take maternity photos, Melissa Jones offered to give us a great deal on a full photo shoot at Homestead Park with a CD of all the proofs - I will share our favorites soon. Several mothers from car-seat.org have shared their stories with me about losing their own infants and sent me books and links that helped them make it through the tough times. All of these things, although mostly monetary and material, have such a HUGE emotional impact as well. When our minds are consumed of thought of Eva and the unknown, the stress of looking for preemie items, or calling photographers, or calling medical billing offices, really take an extra emotional toll. Each and every gift, however small they may seem to the giver, have a huge impact on our hearts.
Anytime a worry is lifted, we have more time to focus on our family now. We are able to focus on allowing Hannah to have the best childhood we can give her. The less I worry, the more smiles I can share with her. The more bills that are paid off, the more I can allow myself to enjoy a nice play group that may cost a little bit extra - or even a nice dinner at Red Robin. Every time I can scratch something off of my "to do for Eva" list, I am able to just concentrate on enjoying my pregnancy with her. Yes, I do enjoy every bit of it - even the back pain and headaches and sleepless nights and swelling and pelvis pain and kicks to the bladder and even watching my weight climb ever so high on the scale. I complain, but I love it just the same. She's my little girl and she can kick me any time she wants to, just as her big sister can run up and hit me in the face with her birthday balloons any time she wants to (I got to experience that this morning).
I also got an e-mail from a friend back home asking if my mom was on the radio this morning sharing our story. I assumed "no" because my mom doesn't call into radio shows. Well, she did this morning! It was a conservative radio talk show in DFW and they were discussing the murder of the late-term abortion Dr yesterday and several related issues. My mom called in to share my story as a mother who refused to terminate even after a fatal diagnosis. I now have many more strangers in the DFW area praying for me and our family. What a blessing! Thanks mom. Unfortunately, they don't have the call-in part of the show on-line, so I can't hear what was said, but still a blessing to know our story may have helped a woman in a similar situation decide to carry her baby and see what blessings God may have in store for her through the tough times.
Blessings, blessings, blessings everywhere and we don't know what we've done to deserve them all. We certainly are thankful for them all and want you all to know how much you mean to us and how much we love and cherish each and everyone of you. We thank God for you all.
Ok, I guess I should go enjoy the rest of nap time and catch up on my soap operas - ABC is actually coming in today after almost 2 weeks of always going out during "my stories".
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