Baby Eva update

I met with Eva's pediatrician today. It was our first meeting and we just discussed the basics, our desired birth plan, and when we would re-evaluate everything. He was very nice, treated me like a regular pregnant momma and spoke of Eva as a child rather than a chromosomal karyotype. I liked him immediately just for those reasons. Further, he seems to have the same outlook that Dan and I do - we have to wait and see what Eva is capable of when she is born. Our birth plan will include several options for the several possible outcomes - still born, struggling at birth, doing well, may come home with hospice, etc. He never once told me that she didn't have chance, as many other Drs have done. He was very clear of the possible outcomes and realistic that we have no clue what will happen until we lay eyes on her.

Let me say, though, that the term "DNR-comfort care only" should NEVER be used when referring to an infant. It's just not right. Unfortunately, that is the reality at times. That will be our decision if Eva is not doing well at birth. If she is doing well, we are open to other options for her care depending on what she shows us she is capable of. She has already proven to be capable of more than we initially gave her credit for. She's still thriving in her momma's belly and kicks me like crazy just to prove it.

*I did put up two sonogram pictures of her from our 20week scan. In the first one, that is foot pointing to her forehead and in the next one it is closer to her mouth. Right after that, her hand met her foot and she tried to shove both in her open mouth. It was very cute. These were taken on the same day we got her diagnosis, so it was difficult to see at the time, and we were not ready to share the pictures with anyone. Now that we have processed everything and have fallen completely in love with her, we are very proud to share her with our friends and family.

Our next appointment is with the neonatal cardiologist for a fetal ECHO on May 13th. He will tell us how Eva's heart is doing, how it's changed, how it's functioning now, and how it might function after birth. We will know more about her immediate prognosis after this, and can change our birth plan accordingly at that time. After that, I have another sonogram and OB appt on the 22nd. I will be almost 34weeks along and we will be making plans for induction - or at least discussing it. Depending on my fluid levels and Eva's position, we will need to decide on a date for induction as well the possibility for a c-section. If she is breech, we may not have a choice, for my safety. Right now, we are just hoping she goes head down before then. Flip, Eva, Flip!!!!

I also wanted to share that although my posts about Eva tend to be more positive now, I assure you that I am not always positive. I only choose to share the higher points of my days, but there are many sad moments as well. After discussing birth plans and intervention options and what exactly DNR-comfort care only means, I was very sad the remainder of the day. I am lucky to have my mom to talk me through my sad moments and conflicting thoughts and lucky to have a great, supportive husband who picks up the slack when I need to be alone for a while. Lately my sad times have included listening to a few great songs that give me hope and encouraging. Sometimes I just sing and smile and pray through these songs. Other times, I let the tears flow and other times I weep and weep and cry out to God. Here are links to two of my favorite songs right now. The first was written by Angie Smith and her husband (form the band Selah) about their daughter, Audrey Caroline, who they lost shortly after birth. The video and lyrics are tear jerkers, just to warn you. The second is just a slide show of nature scapes with the lyrics prinited. I sit and listen to these songs over and over and get a different reaction each time. It's my time to sit alone and reflect on my thoughts and cry and talk to Eva and talk to God. I will try to come back and add just the lyrics later.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J2CnUtVY35o

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RvrBQL8swLI

Here is Chris Tomlin talking about writing the song, "I Will Rise". http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0BLY5rr24mM

OK, I had to come back and add another song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ijXwHoKeAY&feature=related